When I’d called beforehand to find out how Hooters celebrated birthdays, the host cheerily told me, “We make the person get on a chair and we have everyone sing to him, and we try to embarrass him as much as we can.”
JAPANESE HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG BENIHANA PRO
The afternoon preceding my trip to Dublin to see the Hooters girls was spent in terror, and not because I was taking two other queer folks to a place where pro wrestling is considered a pussy sport. It sounds like the start of a bad joke: Two gay men and a lesbian walk into a Hooters. “Some people come in just for the dressing. “Of course, there’s our Garden Salad with Italian vinaigrette,” she recited at one point.
JAPANESE HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG BENIHANA CRACKED
She had the kind of charm that didn’t feel shellacked on, and when she had to launch into the upsell patter she cracked wise enough to let us know there was no pressure behind it. Her lashes heavy with mascara, she looked as if she’d had a lot of fun in her time and was still up for more. What delighted me was how good our waiter was.
The Burger King crown remains a favorite for the young’uns. Old Spaghetti Factory, TGI Friday’s, Sizzler, and (if you get the right waiter) Red Lobster will bring you a sundae and sing to your table. Of the chains I called, PF Chang’s, Outback Steakhouse, and Fuddrucker’s don’t do anything for birthday boys and girls - though the Fuddrucker’s hostess sweetly volunteered to sing “Happy Birthday” if my friends and I came in right away. Olive Garden’s birthday cake, a shareable confection available for only $3.50, also stood out as far as swag went. I’d chosen the Olive Garden in Hayward first because my sister and I both remember enduring a proprietary, clapping-intensive song, but maybe that’s an Indiana thing. Some chains enroll clients in birthday clubs, where they receive a discount on the special day. B-days are big business for the hospitality industry: A customer survey commissioned by the National Restaurant Association in 2000 found that 55 percent of respondents had celebrated their birthday at a restaurant within the past year, and 30 percent of those who were married had dined out on their spouses’ birthdays, too. Last week, with the real date months off, I hit four midrange chain restaurants in three days to see what kind of fun they dole out for birthdays. The same ritual had transpired at the next booth over ten minutes earlier.
It’s not as if I didn’t know what to expect, though. “Guys!” I said to my friends as they applauded. She set the cake in front of me, and everyone - the waiters, my friends, and the customers around us who weren’t smirking - launched into a round of “Happy Birthday.” I slumped into the booth, blushing and exasperated. Our waitress and two of her Olive Garden colleagues threaded their way to our booth bearing a lopsided chocolate cake dolled up with poofs of canned whipped cream and a single candle.